Friday, April 06, 2007

What's in a wave? part 1

This post was inspired by two things that kind of meet in the middle (I hope) the first is a blog post that a friend of mine posted the other day... Saying stuff about how they went out and got drunk, didn't remember exactly what it is they had done and was worried about how they might have embarrassed themselves and what it is they had done... Sounds like the same old story right? Well it doesn't end there with some of us (myself included)... The real issue lies in the days that follow because it's worse for people that suffer from depression... (call it how you see it I don't care... I'm not completely sure if depression is a disease but I am sure, at the very least, its a state of mind, and people... such as myself... do, and have, suffered from it)... You sit there afraid literally afraid, even tough guys, to answer the phone or have any interaction with people you would call friends or are friendly with (some call them acquaintances)... More times then not nobody cares what you did its your own paranoia and insecurities that keep you trapped, a prisoner of your own mind... So eventually you answer the phone or you are forced to interact with these people you are avoiding and find out that they are more worried about you and why they haven't seen you since the last time and really have no recollection of the stuff you have made yourself believe you may or may not have done (does that make sense... try to stay with me here)... Anyway that's basically what the blog post was about minus the last part where I wrote about the light at the end of the road... This person didn't write about that, it was very poetic the way it was put, a lot like the way I write (or the feeling is there) it's depressing and kind of gives you the impression that they may kill themselves... I know this to be untrue (simply because its so close to the way I had felt for years)... But the point I'm getting at (or trying too) is that the comments that were put on this persons blog post were the same old bullshit... People trying to be nice and supportive and saying "I TOO feel your pain Blah blah blah"... They are nice thoughts, but they do no good.. And I'll tell you why... When this person writes they are writing with the depth of their soul, and telling you how they feel in the moment... And the simple two line or even paragraph that the commenter's write saying "'I've been there, hang in there, I feel your pain" first off it's probably BULLSHIT second off it pisses people like that off (all though we would never say so... because we know your intentions are good) but it just makes you feel like saying "How dare you believe that you feel what I feel, or you can even pretend to know how bad I feel, or what's going on with me, you aren't inside me you can't feel the pain I've felt nor will you ever!!! SO PISS OFF"

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